Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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