Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
