I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
