Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
