and you said cock pushups were impossible
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
