Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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