I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
