I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
