His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
either way he was missing a nipple.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
