it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
