Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
