Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
