I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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