I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
