But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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