I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
