i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
