Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
