Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
