So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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