it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
