Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
