On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
