sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im part way to drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
