in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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