She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
