I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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