I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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