Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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