Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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