my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
