Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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