dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
