It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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