I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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