i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
