Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
