Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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