Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
