That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
