Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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