1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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