She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
