Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
