u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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