Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize
