dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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