Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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