I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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