Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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