I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
