sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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