your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
