and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
