I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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